The Life of Severus Snape
by astroguitarist
Summary: Which side is Snape really on and what does he think about his whole life? Read and you'll see. Spoiler for sixth book. Rated T just to be safe.


Disclaimer: A wise man once said, "I don't own anything that has to do with Harry Potter so get off my back already!"

A/N: This is a one shot about which side Snape is on and what he really feels. Takes place right after he kills Dumbledore and is from his point of view. Enjoy!

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I dissaparated right after reaching the Hogwarts gate holding Draco's hand so I could assist him too. We reached the dark lord's hideout, a secret mansion outside of London, and Draco was terrified. I could imagine how he felt. I had seen the wrath of the dark lord when his orders were not carried out. We entered the room in which he sat on a luxurious chair and wormtail was on his knees before him. The dark lord looked up at them and looked very pleased.

"So, you killed Dumbledore," he said with a voice that sounded like it wasn't coming from him, "I am very pleased but I sense something is wrong." Without warning he turned around and glared at Draco. I could see that he was using legilemency to read Draco's mind. After about 20 seconds he looked up from the trembling Draco, "I knew you wouldn't succeed you pitiful Malfoy."

At that moment I knew it was all over. I screamed and begged my master not to do it but it was too late. A flash of green light erupted from the tip of his wand. The whole world seemed to slow. I saw the pupil's of Draco's eyes fading. After what seemed to be hours but was in fact a mere 2 seconds Draco fell to his knees and finally onto his stomach. He was dead. I had seen he dark lord kill many people before but nobody that was close to me. Draco was my best student. He was very misunderstood as I was and I felt I could share my feelings with him and even though I didn't discuss many of my feelings with him it was always nice to know I had an option. Then before anyone (even me) realized what I was doing I started running. I ran out of the room, out of the house, out of the metal gates, out of my terrible life. I kept running for hours not feeling exhaustion; forgetting all the things that had just happened and remembering the days I was in school and I would run into the bathroom and cry because I was so misunderstood. Nobody understood me at all. Nobody knew that I wanted to make friends but when I was scared of someone I would just laugh at them or taunt them or duel them. Nobody knew what side I was on. Nobody knew how complicated my life really is.

After hours of running I stopped. I found a cave nearby for shelter. I entered the cave and started thinking about my life and how it got to be this bad.

It all started from my parents. They always taught me that muggle-born people are disgusting monsters. They taught me all the horrible things that a Slytherin family was supposed to teach their son. Up until I got to Hogwarts I thought it was just their opinion and it was nothing serious. When I got there I realized how bad the situation really was. I was automatically marked as a Slytherin and therefore hated among everyone but fellow Slytherins. I tried to make friends but nobody liked me and I couldn't get myself to talk to anyone. When I got to my fifth year at Hogwarts I was accepted into a gang of evil students at Hogwarts. I had no other people I could call something even close to "friend" so I joined. At the end of the seventh year the whole gang joined the ranks of Voldemort and I being pressured by all them to do the same joined too. I did about 5 years of work for him until I met Dumbledore again. He was the one who put my life back to a stage much closer to normal than I had ever known. I told him how I couldn't leave Voldemort because he would kill me if I did and Dumbledore said it was ok and it could even be useful. I started working at Hogwarts as a Potions teacher and found it quiet fun. Then I heard about the accident with the Potter boy. I felt very sorry for the poor boy that had to live with no parents but I was overjoyed that the dark lord was defeated. 11 years later he came to Hogwarts. I wanted to go up to him and shake his hand but I was intimidated by him so I did what I always did when I was intimidated: taunt the person. For years I laughed at him and he never knew I actually liked him. Then came the whole thing with Dumbledore. I had to kill him or I would have died myself. I now realize it might have been better if I had died but it's too late for that. Now I'm stuck in this cave and I'm going to put and end to all this once and for all.

Snape pointed the wand at himself, recited the killing curse, and fell to the floor.

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